Exercising Love in Marriage

Song of Solomon 1:2 "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
       for your love is more delightful than wine."

 I'm sure you can remember the first day you met your eventual spouse. Eyes were twinkling and sweat was probably running down your face in nervousness. You were probably very anxious as you anticipated your first date. This cute infatuation then turned into love as you got to know him/her. Your love blossomed. You both began to paint your own masterpiece and write your own book. You were unstoppable. And then, you said I do and doves flew, you jumped over brooms and ate delicious wedding cake. Again, you were unstoppable.

This love that we experienced at the beginning of marriage should never wilt. Instead, it should constantly grow. It should mature into a love that can sustain hurricane forced winds. No matter what forces may try to come against you, your love for each other should be able to hold firm. It should never crumble.

There's one thing I've learned about love so far in my marriage. Love loves in spite of and not because of. In spite of my husband's imperfections, I love him tenderly. In spite of the many times I may get frustrated over the the smallest things, I love him deeply. In spite of the many disagreements and arguments, I still love him. You see, the real love that we should have for each other, supercedes infatuation. It's not all about the things that I am attracted to in him. Instead, I love him even in things that are unattractive. This is some serious love, right?

In the book of 1Corinthians chapter 13, we learn that "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 

There are times where I have to step back and make sure I'm operating in love. The pressures of life can easily make us snap, get frustrated or even act "ungodly" with our husbands/wives. Let's be real. We do have to check ourselves, occasionally.  I have to pray and ask God to help me be patient and kind with my husband. I have to practice the art of being nice and not rude or short with him. If I want to exemplify real love, Godly love, with my husband then I must learn to examine my actions and love him the way God wants me to; the way my husband needs me to. These verses in this chapter are really powerful. All of these attributes are exactly who Jesus Christ is to us. And, if we truly want to know how to love, we need to learn how to love like Christ.

There is an excellent book out called, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Synopsis: Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce. Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch are the five love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate’s love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return.Skillful communication is within your grasp!

I encourage you to add this book to your book shelf, if you haven't already. This book provides an excellent resource for you and your spouse. We all love in very different ways. I believe it's important that we truly get to know what pleases our husbands/wives. This will make our marriage last that much longer!

This week, I encourage you to ask your spouse how do you need me to love you? Find out what he/she needs and practice it for them. To order your copy of The Five Love Languages, visit http://www.fivelovelanguages.com or your local Christian bookstore.

QUIZ

Gary Chapman has a 30 second assessment on his website. Take this quiz and find out what your love language is. Please click HERE to take the quiz.

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