Pursuing Peace in Marriage

When I think of the word "peace" these are the things that come to mind: quietness, stillness, safety, sanity and comfort. But, when I think of peace in marriage, sanity seems to stick out more than any other word. I mean, let's admit it. Sometimes, we just want a flat out sane mind. With so much opposition towards marriage in this world and the regular challenges we may face, at the end of the day, we just want a sane/sound mind. Right? Well, maybe it's just me. But sometimes I feel like I need supernatural peace to keep my mind right. If you ever feel this way too, this is when you know you need to pray for peace!

Peace is a fruit of the Spirit that's mentioned in the book of Galatians and is very beneficial to our walk with Christ. John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This is Jesus Christ speaking to Judas about how the Holy Spirit, our Counselor whom the Father sent in His name, will teach us all things(vs. 26). Jesus gave the disciples assurance that they would not have to worry while he's gone because the Holy Spirit will be there (is here) to help be our comfort, peace and Counselor in times of need. And, we all have times when we need those things. Right?

We should also desire to dwell peacefully with one another. Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Sometimes it's easy to just set things aside for temporary quietness and say "For the sake of peace, I'm not going to say a word!" The truth is, that's not really being peaceful. Being a peacemaker means in a very civil and respectful way, you will deal with whatever issue you have instead of putting it on the side to let it fester up. A peacemaker is gentle; even in correction and rebuke. The other person never feels condemned or judged- instead they feel loved. This type of peace is crucial for a healthy marriage.


In Psalm 34:14, we are encouraged to pray for peace; to pursue it. In our ordinary lives outside of marriage, we should seek peace on its own. However, in marriage, we need to ask God to fill our home with it.

The peace of God can provide a safe haven for you and your spouse. It brings calmness in the midst of pain; so much so that when people look on the outside at your circumstance whether you're going through a financial struggle, traumatic incident or the "we just can't get along syndrome" your response is one of peace instead of frustration. This is the peace that's defined as the one that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). Meaning, people just don't get how in the world you and your spouse are able to hang in there in the midst of that thing.

Last year, my husband and I experienced our third miscarriage. Though hurtful beyond measure, my husband and I leaned heavily on God's peace. Although we could not understand why God would allow our hearts to be broken again, still, that peace that's described in Philippians 4:7 took precedence and filled our hearts and our home. We would not give room for depression and stress. Instead, we decided to trust in the Lord. And, this was how we were able to hang in there; keep our sanity.

Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trust in you." 

This week, I'm writing to encourage you to pray for peace in your home; to pursue it. Whatever you are facing in your marriage/life, I want you to declare that you will trust in the Lord and ask God to fill your home with his peace. I challenge you to trust in Him because he knows what your situation is and can bring you out of it. Don't let the enemy discourage you or give him room to bring depression, anxiety and worry into your home. Instead, pray to be a woman/man who relies completely on God's word and allow peace to dwell inside!

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Exercising Love in Marriage

Song of Solomon 1:2 "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
       for your love is more delightful than wine."

 I'm sure you can remember the first day you met your eventual spouse. Eyes were twinkling and sweat was probably running down your face in nervousness. You were probably very anxious as you anticipated your first date. This cute infatuation then turned into love as you got to know him/her. Your love blossomed. You both began to paint your own masterpiece and write your own book. You were unstoppable. And then, you said I do and doves flew, you jumped over brooms and ate delicious wedding cake. Again, you were unstoppable.

This love that we experienced at the beginning of marriage should never wilt. Instead, it should constantly grow. It should mature into a love that can sustain hurricane forced winds. No matter what forces may try to come against you, your love for each other should be able to hold firm. It should never crumble.

There's one thing I've learned about love so far in my marriage. Love loves in spite of and not because of. In spite of my husband's imperfections, I love him tenderly. In spite of the many times I may get frustrated over the the smallest things, I love him deeply. In spite of the many disagreements and arguments, I still love him. You see, the real love that we should have for each other, supercedes infatuation. It's not all about the things that I am attracted to in him. Instead, I love him even in things that are unattractive. This is some serious love, right?

In the book of 1Corinthians chapter 13, we learn that "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 

There are times where I have to step back and make sure I'm operating in love. The pressures of life can easily make us snap, get frustrated or even act "ungodly" with our husbands/wives. Let's be real. We do have to check ourselves, occasionally.  I have to pray and ask God to help me be patient and kind with my husband. I have to practice the art of being nice and not rude or short with him. If I want to exemplify real love, Godly love, with my husband then I must learn to examine my actions and love him the way God wants me to; the way my husband needs me to. These verses in this chapter are really powerful. All of these attributes are exactly who Jesus Christ is to us. And, if we truly want to know how to love, we need to learn how to love like Christ.

There is an excellent book out called, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Synopsis: Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce. Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch are the five love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate’s love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return.Skillful communication is within your grasp!

I encourage you to add this book to your book shelf, if you haven't already. This book provides an excellent resource for you and your spouse. We all love in very different ways. I believe it's important that we truly get to know what pleases our husbands/wives. This will make our marriage last that much longer!

This week, I encourage you to ask your spouse how do you need me to love you? Find out what he/she needs and practice it for them. To order your copy of The Five Love Languages, visit http://www.fivelovelanguages.com or your local Christian bookstore.

QUIZ

Gary Chapman has a 30 second assessment on his website. Take this quiz and find out what your love language is. Please click HERE to take the quiz.

Thank you for visiting Marital Bliss eMagazine's blog today. For more weekly devotionals, be sure to come back http://maritalblissonline.blogspot.com and visit our website http://www.maritalblissonline.com.